17-09-2010

hai ji de yi bu cha bu duo yi nian qian... ta shuo hen xiang lian wo... wo zhen yang ye chou shu shi jian, qu pei ta... you shi hou, yao ta deng wo hen jiu... shen zhi shi ji ge zhong... mei chi ta chu men, wo dou hui jing liang standby wo de sh jian... jin chuan li qu juo yi ge 24 xiao, bai frn bai de hao nan you...

jin tian de wo, deng le yi tian you yi tian... hao bu rong yi chai deng dao na tian, jiu zhai bei tui diao le... yi tian yiu guo le... yiu zhai deng ming tian... hai jing ran zhi ji na mo ben.. na mo tian zhen.... hai yau shi zhui hou yi ge zhi dao... zhe cie nian lai... jiu lian shen me lian shen me jia dou diu le... jui hou, hai shi zhi ji juo chuo le.... zhen de hao wu tui lu la... bu shi hen xi huan zhi ji shi yi ge thinker... xiang tai duo... lei de hai shi zhi ji... yin wei xiang dao de, ye wu fa shuo chu kou, bu shi mei dan, shi huan bu chen yu yan biao da chu lai...

dao jui hou, wo hai shi na ge shi bai de... wo bu guan ren jia zhen yang kan wo, pi ping wo, bu dong wo... wo zhi xi wang ni neng gou ming bai wo... dan wo zhi dao, bie ren shuo de, jiu bu neng bu li hui...

hen kai xin ni neng enjoy... you shi xin xiang, qig yuan xi shen zhi ji, jiu rang ta qu kai xin ba... bu neng guan na me duo de... zhi yau ni kai xin... wo ye shi hao ba na xie xiang fa guan qi lai ba...

p/s: dang dao le quan shi jie mei ren xu yao shi, na ge shi hou ying gai shi li kai de shi hou ba...

x.x

OKay!!! I was just a farked up bf... a loser who duno wat happen to own gf... Rather to being like a small child than a person who can protect or provide secured comfort lever for his own gf...
Really felt like a loser and giving up.... Never had these felt to give up... but things strike continually... academic progress, health, family, relationship, career, financial.. most importantly -- life... was once live with full of self confidence, I think I'm great with the personality that I'm having... I was once the cherries person who help others when they're having problems, rise them up when they're down, giving them advise and talks with them when they're all alone and helpless... Today, I felt like I'm not that person anymore... I don't know why... I was so farked up... I used to so proud of myself... Recently, I just hate myself for having such mind set... WHY I got those mind set??? Why dun i just think things like normal peoples... Why the fark i want to think things so detail? Why so care of everything?? As I know nothing is perfect but why stll i want things to be perfect??? Even having a meal, non of even 1/5 of a small little rice must not to waste??? Can't stand my own attitude either... Asking back, how could I give others love where I'm hating myself???

Even my friends are getting lesser and lesser... Friends are there, but Its like a hundred years ago since I really hang out with them.... Feelings that my world is closed... Just myself.. alone... I have my gf around, but I couldn't face her sometime... I felt disappointed at myself ... Don't know why I always make her feels unhappy... I couldn't get in the situation that she is having... Some time, she rather keep her own feelings or talk to her friend... I don't really know her feelings some times, I didn't do my part as a bf, and i still acting like a childish person... She ask other people to teach her things rather than asking from me....I was just a bad person to be a bf... just a useless creature...

Felt myself is a junk... I hope GOD can help me, sadly, some times i even doubt the existing of GOD, but I know GOD is there, and GOD will help me too...

*took a deep breathe* telling myself not to give up... Stay alive!!!