WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT I'M DOING????

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL CB HKC I'M FUCKING DOING?????

AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I was just about to bed! THAT'S IT!"

误解

被人误解，不好受。 可以说任何东西来解释，可以是事实，也可以是谎言。很容易人误解，给他人假象，让人误会？可能因不想那么快让人揭晓，揭开的太迟，也就这样，不合时的惊喜，悲剧发生了。

我只是随着心情，顺其自然吧。。。词汇有限的我，不善于表达，难于将思考的，转化为文字，或表达出来。 好想能有一个链接电缆，毫无隔膜地让人阅取思想，观念，性情，或在想什么。。。

我很想说出来，但不懂怎么说呀。。。

Illusion.

Things always not as what we see. Do you think that what you see is really what you see? Hahaha... This is science... You looking at a printed material, there're pictures on it... What you might sees might not be what you really sees, the picture is not a picture actually... That colourful 'picture' is just a combination of only four different basic colour fine dots... This can be said as an illusion. So as words, news, story, anything... Things look differently when you see it in different angle or view. When a signal is sent out, different medium gets different information.

It is not "A memorial for an end of a relationship".

It is "A memorial for the begins of a new life".

Who cares? This is why misunderstanding are alway occurs... There's no prevention of it... same as war... Who's right who's wrong? Why must give a damn on it?

Plan.

There's a thing that distressed me. It start even few months ago... Even because of that, a few argument had occurred.. I don't know what to do. Recently, I got a few little hints... So I did some research... In the end, I can't get what I want... There are still some thing can be considered, but it will never can be done on time... In the other hand, I talk to some people, looking for idea... and I found that another problem appear where I still got no idea for existing one... Oh no... I have to totally change the plan...

Wish me luck.

Stressed.

I got a feeling... Not a god one... If you ask me why, I don't know... I was confuse. I was happy, but sad too... I can't convert my thought into words... There're like no one I can talk to... Pam got her own problems... My friends? How many friends do I have? I mean the really can talk with? Yes, there're some... It'll be a long long long story to tell where I'm not a good story teller... My partner... I wish to talk to her.. I found very hard to talk my feelings to people... I don't know how to start a word... Pam ask me: how r u? I can't even answer her... I don't know how to tell... Like no one will know what happen to me. Sometimes, I drive real fast... dangerous one... It's like driving is now my only way to express myself... When I'm driving, I can choose my own road... The car go where I wanted it to go, it run fast as I wanted it to be... Even it's not a really good performance car, there are limits... It can't accelerate faster as I wanted it to be... It can't go faster speed as I wan to run... It don't really that comfortable as I trying to have... but most of the time, it still under my control... Life is not.

I want to set myself free... Not to think so much... Let everything go... not everything I have to control... Trying hard to free myself... What I stressed for? I don't know? Friends and love one are always there for me... They do help a lots... but in the end, it still back to my decision... But at least, I just want to share my thought or just to shout out my mind....

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

I'm lost and drown.... Save me... please... (:'c)

Hoitong.

It's my cousin's farewell party before he go to NS. We went Hoitong... Kind of board to go Hoitong... But this visit is quite good... I ogt my little cousin to squeeze orange juice for me... This is quite a relax diner... Pam cook and do everything for me this time... hehehe... Mom cook for me too... My cousins take all the 'delivery' jobs... They bring me ice-cream, fruits, almost everything... hehehe...

Thanks Pam, Mom, sis, all my cousins.. =)

Forgiveness.

It's not that hard to forgive some one.. especially the one you really love. There's some one hurt me so so deep before... I'm still going to forgive that someone... I still remember there's a day my dog did something make me so so mad... I bit & scolded him very badly... But just a moment after that, I hug him and sayang it back... My heart is pain for doing so to him... He was so scared, and I comfort it back...

That was a dog... but for people.. thing alway not that easy... even I just mad a person for just a while, it can't be fine by just a hug and sayang back... It's not a very big problem.. maybe just a minute to calm down... a few shout out... or just talk to some one.... no more mad at them... but, sometimes, that person are just mad us back for that... It's not that hard for me to forgive a person, but it's was so hard for people to accept my forgiveness?

I'm not that hard to deal with... Why people always see me as a harsh person? I'm not.

Something missing.

Where is my life?

The day I go jogging, swimming, cycling, gym... Running with my dogs... Speeding with my racing car... Life is so beautiful... Soaking in the freezing water... floating at the pool... looking at the sky... Enjoying the view at the pool side... Put my foot on my runner, enjoying the breeze of the fresh morning air and the warm Sun shine... listen to the birds sing... water flow... Blue sky, green grasses and trees...

All these are never gone... alway there... Just that the life style had changed... There're ton of work load to be finish with... but it seems to be a endless job... There're work to do, but don't know what to do... I become more lazy... taking life too relax and cool... too chill... taking problem not seriously... dream too much...

Now, it's time to trim back to the right path... Trying to talk less... There're people say that we are born to have 2 ears and a mouth is that we are created to take more than give... Have to control myself, more to talk, more mistake... shut my mouth and just listen what people says... No more 'hou chi lan hai gam'...

Used talk with full confidence... Speak loud in public... Slow it all down, world can be more peaceful... (=>)

There're always complains, the cons, and the negative... when that 'something' is gone, or no more belongs to us, or meaningless, only realize that 'something' is the best one or the 'perfect' one... I know it is, but still, why must be critics since it is the best? This is called 'fan jin'...

Have to let go when it's gone... Only memories stays... the presents are so precious... it might be gone in the next second... But how many people on earth can really do so? just try lor... life goes on... let it be let it be... Suddenly, I miss my family, my gf, my dogs, my friends... (=>) Miss you all!!

When the some one is there, we go do something else, always 'still got time', 'later' on mind... but soon, only realize that there're no more chances, or time left... It's time to say goodbye again... Bye Bye... Then we'll say, "oh, I miss you so much"... what's the point? Are you happy with that? A 'No', for myself... Hmm.... thinking something now...

Okay... throw out something here is definitely comfortable a bit here... I don't know what exactly what I'm talking about, just type something which pop out in mind...

Good day! =)

Bad dream.

I dream everyday. Almost every time I sleep. Too many bad dreams... Not good at all... In my dream, there are always death around.... people dies... people get killed... please... stop it...

Excuses.

People always got their own reason and excuses when they did something wrong... Especially people ask them about it...

Cough.

Pam was sick...

She sleep very very late everyday during the holidays...

First, she got sore-throat... now worse..

She get cough...

Every of her cough is beating my heart...

She refuse to seek for a doctor...

So I make every possible drink to cure for her...

Every night she can't asleep cause of the coughing...

She vomit almost every night...

Today, her body temperature start raising...

She refuse to drink herbal tea.. she claim that it cause her vomit...

What can i do now is pray for her to get well soon...

She can't go travel with sick...

I hope the coffee might works...

Thanks for the Cheese cake... Love you.

Change of plan

Yesterday, it was a day which the plan start changing. Class canceled, not mine, it's Pam's. We planned to go shopping after our class and we changed it to do it today. She drive me to my shop, her driving skill is now better than before... Just that she got a little problem to parking at the narrow street. Overall, she done a good job... I still can't get my mouth shut when she driving... I'm just worry.... btw, there's few times I'm really scared. Anyway, It's very funny when she do the wrong way to turn the steering, she blame herself with a very cute voice... Then we both laugh... not because of her mistake, but her reaction.... hahahha!

Morning, alarm ring at 9am... My head is super heavy to stop the alarm... I'm back to sleep after stop the alarm... Pam still non stop coughing... since a week ago... 'Thanks" me, because of me she sleep late... It very sweet that the 1st thing you see when u open your eyes in the morning is Pam to wake you up... She wake me up a while after the alarm go off... and she went to bath... Dizzy heavy head made me back to 'rest' again... she woke me up for 3 times... and at last, she lost her patient, she get angry already... she back to sleep... I'm sorry dear. I know you don't want to hear that... Plus, I really like the warm, sweet feeling when you wake me up... This is why make me want back to sleep more... I'm frank.

Many things happened after that... Changed of plan is to correct or make sure the aim is achieved when some problems exist... but some poor arrangement of change may lead to serious problems and failure of the whole plan. I think I just ruined the whole plan. I don't know what to do.... help.....