A month later.

Today, exacly a month where she is with me almost everyday. I'm alone for the last two days. Starting the day she start her new job. I'm going no where to do my assignment. It finally got a little more free time for me to write here. I thought of lots of things in the pass 2 days... Just don't know how to convert into words...

2 days of home stay. Drawing, fb, drawing, sleeping, drawing, fb, eating, drawing, ............ Just a few moment ago... finally got a little bit fresher mind... =)... more works to move on later... It's not bad to stay alone, I'll concerntrate more to do my works... Just that will miss some one constantly... She, start wokrking now... a new life has begun... It's great for her to start work again... at least, she will get pay and no need to worry her tuition fees... Even her meal everyday... But that kind of hard for her to work part time and study in the same time to support her living... I can't do much for her, she don't wants too... What to do? She born to be... That her life.... a bit bitter one...

I've talk to her constantly on phone... I can felt that she is happy working... even it was crazying-bored and the business is not that good.... She is doing fine with her colleuge... Me, I'm still with and un-open heart... Just trying so hard to make it more open... Maybe I'm lack of confidence or just no guts to do so... Just don't like that way... For examples... I really don't like her to hang out with another person too often... her colleuge fetching her through and flow to work everyday... working together for most of the time for whole day... work together, meal together, laugh together, go palces together... how 'great' was that... I'm consoled when she feel happy... In another hand, I just felt unwell...

I used to be a very confidented-person... I got most of the thing I want... Some I got the best one in the world... Present, I've lost many of it.... the best one also no more.... I became 'tiny'... Even less louder voice when I'm speaking... Doing things with a lowered head.... become self-abased... Where're the confidence all gone to?? I've zero-idea... Just don't how to be a good person... a better one... I'm still not understant waht is 'LOVE'... That's really an undefine "object"...

I tried so hard to make my gf happy... to understand her... take care of her for everything... she was just rejecting... she hidden her self and everything of her... Am I that kind of person who really that not worth to trust? What's wrong with me? She only share stuff with her best friends, her sister... Where I got nothing good as a bf... and she think that it was hard to be with me... Even a day, I heard the conversation of her with her best friend... It's not a very good comment on me... and she told me that they are only 'blowing-water'... From deep of my heart, I can seriosly feel that the truth... she is not just bluffing....

What am I? I'm nothing...