Something missing.

Where is my life?

The day I go jogging, swimming, cycling, gym... Running with my dogs... Speeding with my racing car... Life is so beautiful... Soaking in the freezing water... floating at the pool... looking at the sky... Enjoying the view at the pool side... Put my foot on my runner, enjoying the breeze of the fresh morning air and the warm Sun shine... listen to the birds sing... water flow... Blue sky, green grasses and trees...

All these are never gone... alway there... Just that the life style had changed... There're ton of work load to be finish with... but it seems to be a endless job... There're work to do, but don't know what to do... I become more lazy... taking life too relax and cool... too chill... taking problem not seriously... dream too much...

Now, it's time to trim back to the right path... Trying to talk less... There're people say that we are born to have 2 ears and a mouth is that we are created to take more than give... Have to control myself, more to talk, more mistake... shut my mouth and just listen what people says... No more 'hou chi lan hai gam'...

Used talk with full confidence... Speak loud in public... Slow it all down, world can be more peaceful... (=>)

There're always complains, the cons, and the negative... when that 'something' is gone, or no more belongs to us, or meaningless, only realize that 'something' is the best one or the 'perfect' one... I know it is, but still, why must be critics since it is the best? This is called 'fan jin'...

Have to let go when it's gone... Only memories stays... the presents are so precious... it might be gone in the next second... But how many people on earth can really do so? just try lor... life goes on... let it be let it be... Suddenly, I miss my family, my gf, my dogs, my friends... (=>) Miss you all!!

When the some one is there, we go do something else, always 'still got time', 'later' on mind... but soon, only realize that there're no more chances, or time left... It's time to say goodbye again... Bye Bye... Then we'll say, "oh, I miss you so much"... what's the point? Are you happy with that? A 'No', for myself... Hmm.... thinking something now...

Okay... throw out something here is definitely comfortable a bit here... I don't know what exactly what I'm talking about, just type something which pop out in mind...

Good day! =)

Bad dream.

I dream everyday. Almost every time I sleep. Too many bad dreams... Not good at all... In my dream, there are always death around.... people dies... people get killed... please... stop it...

Excuses.

People always got their own reason and excuses when they did something wrong... Especially people ask them about it...

Cough.

Pam was sick...

She sleep very very late everyday during the holidays...

First, she got sore-throat... now worse..

She get cough...

Every of her cough is beating my heart...

She refuse to seek for a doctor...

So I make every possible drink to cure for her...

Every night she can't asleep cause of the coughing...

She vomit almost every night...

Today, her body temperature start raising...

She refuse to drink herbal tea.. she claim that it cause her vomit...

What can i do now is pray for her to get well soon...

She can't go travel with sick...

I hope the coffee might works...

Thanks for the Cheese cake... Love you.

Change of plan

Yesterday, it was a day which the plan start changing. Class canceled, not mine, it's Pam's. We planned to go shopping after our class and we changed it to do it today. She drive me to my shop, her driving skill is now better than before... Just that she got a little problem to parking at the narrow street. Overall, she done a good job... I still can't get my mouth shut when she driving... I'm just worry.... btw, there's few times I'm really scared. Anyway, It's very funny when she do the wrong way to turn the steering, she blame herself with a very cute voice... Then we both laugh... not because of her mistake, but her reaction.... hahahha!

Morning, alarm ring at 9am... My head is super heavy to stop the alarm... I'm back to sleep after stop the alarm... Pam still non stop coughing... since a week ago... 'Thanks" me, because of me she sleep late... It very sweet that the 1st thing you see when u open your eyes in the morning is Pam to wake you up... She wake me up a while after the alarm go off... and she went to bath... Dizzy heavy head made me back to 'rest' again... she woke me up for 3 times... and at last, she lost her patient, she get angry already... she back to sleep... I'm sorry dear. I know you don't want to hear that... Plus, I really like the warm, sweet feeling when you wake me up... This is why make me want back to sleep more... I'm frank.

Many things happened after that... Changed of plan is to correct or make sure the aim is achieved when some problems exist... but some poor arrangement of change may lead to serious problems and failure of the whole plan. I think I just ruined the whole plan. I don't know what to do.... help.....

一路以来，我都错了。

11-02-2010

It have been a long time since the last post here. I want to post some thing all the time, it’s not that I’m too busy… Every time I open up the page, my brain was blank out. I don’t know what to write… what to express…

Day after day, when ever I got something pop up on my mind, I can’t remember it long. When there’s something I want to express, I didn’t post it out… I just read it out words by words, in my mind.

Today, she talks to me... tell me things bothering her... Tears came out of her eyes... She was upset, disappointing and helpless... Nothing much that I can do... I hold her hand and calm her down... Hope that someone can know her more... that really really know what happen... Not that they just though they know but actually misunderstanding what's going on...

Me, I was not in a right mood since few days ago... I tried to clear all schedule for the three continues days for the birthday of two very important person in my life. Which are yesterday and tomorrow. Today, supposed to have a dinner with Pam's mom and send her to airport. Pam and me hope that we can make it since few weeks ago but that time I can't confirm my new time table. This week, i got my new time table, no class today but morning classes tomorrow. We can go for the dinner together and a little farewell at the airport tonight. Schedule are fine, everything is on. Yesterday, I was informed that dinner is on but without us, sending Pam's mom to airport will done by someone else. Everything was just canceled off with unknown reasons. And I was claimed or complained that I'm over controlling Pam... And something that sounds like I'm making every decision for Pam where she got no rights to voice out... WTH?