Pissed.

ARGH!!! I'm going to crazy soon!!!

It's something that bother me since months ago. So the dead line is getting close... and when it was closer & closer, some how my attitude made me kind of hard to control my actions... Have to keep it secret, make sure everything goes fine, other stuff are ready for it too... lots... Trying so hard to be patience...

Today, i get news that I have to spend extra money for other peoples too... And the one who make this decision tell me that it just a joke when i ask for the confirmation of this incident. So am I a joke? I was told that I made almost all decision no matter others are agree or ok with it. What the? Did I? I just propose, or suggest, then peoples will always like: oh, since u want, then do so lo... Did I say I must want it to be like that? Am I that ego that made every decision by my own? I just know that there're times that I was told to do something, but then I'm need no more for that thing, and I wasn't inform at all... so I clear all my schedule, for that, and it end up with just sit there and wait. This time, it's like everything settled and I should do it as a must where I never been told or discuss about it... I was surprise... Urh..... Okay, since it have been decided, maybe I can do a little more budget and cut down all my other expenses, I think I still can do it... Just that It might be some tough days after that.

Months passed by, at last, I've made my decision that what to get. This is something that I not even buy for myself before... Have to save a lot of money for it, even have to let go some plans. The good news is, it came to town earlier than expected! Great! It just came in the right time... So I doing some survey about it... Tried so many places and sources... Still can't get it... Waiting for calls... It have to arrived in time... Hope everything go fine...

Plan is there, but there're plenty of other stuff going on around and have to solve too... I think this really made me a little bit crazy recently... Not eat well, not sleep well, so emotionally... EQ is getting lower... Some more I am acting weird where I never did so before... omg... Just like a baby too...

Patience, patience... I think everything that I do is worth to be... Everything will be fine... Just thinking that person will be very happy & will be touched is enough to keep me on track... Hold on! You too be patience!!! Hahaha!

The thing that I heard most, would be:

"Doo doo... doo doo......... the number you have dialed, is currently not available"

CB peoples...

Like this also scold, like that also scold... Like they very 'big' like that... Ask people treat also like people must do everything to suite them... They work and get paid every month also still want to use people's stuff... share something with them still get scold from them... Ya, even some stuff got it free, so what? It still her stuff what? Want to use still want to find problem to argue... So 'smart' buy yourself la! People's stuff more nice, then go borrow o use... Fark! so 'clever' go borrow people's husband lo! CB! Even your few hundred ringgit is so big meh? Your present very expensive meh? People also didn't ask for it... but why want to say till like people asking for it? Always do stuff double face... 'friend' with u here and stab people's back at behind... Always flatter on other people, like they very good... Another one, even worse... Never take a mirror to look at them self... Like they very 'beautiful' like that.... what an rotten egg inside.... Only got excuses... ask them do work they got something else to do... Never work for the promises... So arrogant.... giving fake promises all the time... When people get trouble, they never give any help as their promised... even drop more stone on you... Stubborn! never listen people's advises... brainless human... Eat too much & drink too much! Lazy! Even worse and a brain-retarded pig! Only know how to make story behind, gossip around... Always fool around and cheat people to pay bills... Selfish! Always borrow people stuff to use! even they can't fit in! Fark! Like them self are very socialise people... Only know some morons.... Tough them self are Shakira and actually worse than a retarded blinded old fat chimpanzee swinging around mud.... All of them are born with a pair of dog eyes... look down people... When people get something very nice which they can't get or.... opps... they not deserve to be more suitable... they usually will find something to spoil people's great time... when they got problems, they only know how to make them self look pity... and most of the time, they are "innocence"... pui! What so big with your money? When people treating you all nicely, never feel thankful to people, even worse that still complain here and there... When people getting trouble, just stand there and see people die... Ask people to shut up, double up your pillow tonight and try use your remaining brain to think think how yourself is la!

Just felt unreconciled for a person who born to have such peoples around and received undeserved treats...

SAU PEI LA! CB peoples!

**try to put smaller wordings to make this blog a little bit less negative feel**

Depression

Saw a TV show talks about this sickness syndrome. I found that the problem I'm having recently matches some of the symptoms of this sickness... I worried about mom too... She have more matches of the symptoms...

Money matters.

It seems to be just a money matter... Why must all decisions always made by money come first? How bout life? love one? families? Yes, I can't denied that for the world we live in today, we are barely survive without money... But why? Money is really more important than anything else where it should be come in the first place to making a decision?

Choosing a far-a-way resort which meals and accommodations are provided and just to skip some transport fees and a little rental fees? It's really less money to be consumed to choose a such way? Is that only that few matters to be considered? Is that simple? So it's like a bird is rather to choose to stay in a cage than need a little harder effort to find food around?

It seems to be you made your choice since the beginning... Maybe I was think too much.. Maybe i just though that I'm thinking really that detail? Or just my stubbornness keeps me stand still at my point of view... But still, how if I'm right too?? Maybe I'm totally wrong, what the bird choose is freedom and it really get what it wants... not that as i see it was in the cage... I don't know...

I wish that I could have that large amount of money now and problems solved... You get everything you want... And I have no need to worry that is there any decision made wrongly... Or I did the wrong decision or give wrong advise... I am selfish... who's not? Maybe there is someone...

I also wish that there's some one here to talks to me, guide me and tells me what's right, what's wrong... Gives me advices at least some comments... I think is more likely for something that I wish to be happen...

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT AM I DOING???!!!

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT I'M DOING????

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL CB HKC I'M FUCKING DOING?????

AAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I was just about to bed! THAT'S IT!"

误解

被人误解，不好受。 可以说任何东西来解释，可以是事实，也可以是谎言。很容易人误解，给他人假象，让人误会？可能因不想那么快让人揭晓，揭开的太迟，也就这样，不合时的惊喜，悲剧发生了。

我只是随着心情，顺其自然吧。。。词汇有限的我，不善于表达，难于将思考的，转化为文字，或表达出来。 好想能有一个链接电缆，毫无隔膜地让人阅取思想，观念，性情，或在想什么。。。

我很想说出来，但不懂怎么说呀。。。